time to smoke my breakfast
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
