you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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