I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
