By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
