Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
