i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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