Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
