We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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