happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
