I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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