if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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