sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
