We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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