listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
