you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
