WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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