I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
