32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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