Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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