Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
