We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
