Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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