I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
