dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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