no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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