I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
