She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
