Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
