doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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