while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
