What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
