where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
