I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Houston, we have a blender
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
