I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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