I want to make a zoo with you.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
