dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
