so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
