I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
