If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
