i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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