do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
