when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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