I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
