break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
