sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
