Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
