About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
