her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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