Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
