I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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