I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
