i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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