just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Can I color on your dick again?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
