You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
