I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
